Saturday, September 17, 2005
Thots of the day....
WARNING: It's another super, super, extremely long entry....& trust me it might not be worth ur time coz I'm juz ranting & raving....
Wat is it that you know abt promises?
Will you promise something or to someone else easily?
After making the promise, will you keep that in mind constantly?
Will you try very hard to fulfill that promise made?
Or izzit juz a casual comment or remark that you can make to anyone?
I guess I would try hard to keep any promises I make, that is if I remember...
but with such an attitude & statement, I guess I really dun take promises very, very seriously.
Or maybe I can juz cover tis up by stating that I have got a very, very short memory.
I guess in a relationship, it is a must & very important to keep the promises u make to each other...
But wat abt..if the both of you are not together already?
R you still liable or responsibe to do so?
I guess not.....but cK have different views....
Nv will I expect him to want to keep the promises he made to me b4...
Y will he wan to do so? I really dun know....
The only explaination he give me was that he had promised me this b4 & he want to keep his words...
But I dun wan him to do...coz I think thats very silly....he will be brand by others as a dumb guy who allow an old love to take advantage of him....
I dun wan him to be taken as a fool by me...
I dun wan him to be taken advantage by me...I cant do it...
He dun own me anything, anymore....
All promises is void the day we ended everything..isn't it so?
Dun be so nice to me..I can't give anything back in rtn. there is nothing left for me to give already..am in no position to do so anyway.
But I really do appreciate his thots...in fact I'm very, very touched.
I did nothing to deserve this..in fact I do plenty not to deserve this...but still.....
Whats the defination of a boyfren or galfren then?
Maybe many will say that they treat their bf or gf as their very close or best fren too..
But do you share with them everything in ur life, ur darkest secrets or some most inner thots?
Sometimes I truly believe that there is some issues that is very difficult to open up to them ba...
I dun know what but there is sure to be 1 or maybe a few stuff...
though as much as you like to share with them, you will fear that it will hurt them, it will displeased them...so end up you either keep it buried inside you or just share with ur other frens...
then it will be such an irony to promise each other that you will share everything with each other rite?
I like to drink...like the high feeling...sometimes even super high
Juz tat I hate the hangover feeling, puking my guts out & I hate it when I end up not remembering the details of last nite, esp the nitty, gritty details of conversation I have & most especially what I say to others...
I recall that he used to like to make me drink coz he says that only after I drink then will I be more vocal, especially with my inner feeling & thots..maybe that explains why we always have a weekly drinking session @ his home.
But most of the time, I dun even rem what I shared that nite b4...& he will juz laugh @ me...
Missed those days...
these days, I realise that I had begin to drink @ home ALONE...
That is something I dun used to do @ all...used to think that drinking @ home is dangerous & drinking alone is pathetic..
But these days....I will juz sip vodka in my room by myself....maybe the temptations is there becoz of the btl of vodka sitting on my shelf...
juz wanna chill out & relax myself...maybe becoz I have less drinking kakis already...
Thinking of the past again..bad habits I know...but bad habits really die hard...
Must blame William I think..called me a few times today & chatted of the past...
I missed the days working in BT, in Santa Kitchen, the time the gang hanging out @ Gossip, the time when we gather together to gossip & complain of our manager & work, the people I befriend there....
Memorable 4 yrs....I learn so much during that time...From a young 19 yr old to now..they seen me grown over this years.
I really miss those past..
Can't say I wish to go back to those times...coz if I can do so, then all these would not be so memorable, so precious to me already.
Memories should be beautiful...coz whatever that is unattainable or unreachable is always the most beautiful.
I wanted it to go @ first...but now I juz wanna stay inside me beautifully....
not hurtingly..but beautiful.....Can I?
